My first interview and.. job offer???

So I guess I got a nursing job?

You’ll notice the question mark because I’m still gobsmacked that this happened.

I’ve obviously been submitting quite a few applications, starting after I graduated in December. I got no emails, no phone calls until the middle of January. I got an interview for a job I’d applied for a few weeks before. I emailed them back with on Tuesday with a couple of possible dates. They emailed me back and wanted to see my that Friday. I never figured it would go that fast. I figured hey this will be great experience, you have to have your first interview sometime. I did a good bit of prep. Reading sample interview questions and writing out answers to them. I’m much better on paper than I ever am in real life, so I thought it might be better this way.

I drove to this city (not where I’m currently living) and stayed overnight. Interviewed the next day. I was sort of ambivalent on how it went. I feel like I’m always an idiot in interviews. But I had a pretty good answer for most of the questions that they asked. They also talked a lot (which I just read apparently is a good thing???) which I thought was kinda weird. I talked with a nurse recruiter at the hospital and I thought hey, at least I’ve got a good contact here so when I don’t get this job I can apply for some more.

I drove home that day and thought some about the interview. But I basically had the feeling that if it was meant to be it would happen. I had done all that I could. I prepared and did the best I could, so now it was out of my hands. The phrase “que sera, sera” was stuck in my head on a constant loop.

I put it out of my mind (well I tried). I got called to work Monday morning at 1 am and made it home and into bed at 7 am. I checked my phone around 11 to see what time it is and LO AND BEHOLD I had an email from HR. They were offering me the job I had interviewed for… on Friday.

Shocked. Flabbergasted. Who gets the first RN job they interview for?! I haven’t even taken boards yet. They don’t know that I’m not an idiot and won’t fail! I cried immediately. Not necessarily from happiness. More from shock and the feeling that this was going to change everything. I was going to have to move 7 hours away. Move away from my friends and family. But I had wanted this right?! I chose this city and this hospital because my best friend lives there. I just hadn’t (even after going there to interview) thought that I would actually have to move there!

I slowly came to grips with it, emailed back and forth with HR to get more information and tried to make a decision. But from the beginning I knew that I was basically going to take it. The job is in a trauma step down unit at a level 1 trauma center. Its what I think I want to do (how can anyone know for sure when they’ve never been a nurse before). It will be great experience, I will learn so much, its step down which is awesome. With a couple of years experience here I will be able to go anywhere I want. ICU, ER, L&D, anywhere. I know that this is the right job for me. If by no other way than that I interviewed for it and they offered it to me 3 days later! If that isn’t a sure sign, I don’t know what is. Still, it was a terrible decision to make. It felt like I was ripping myself apart at the seams. Leaving my job that I LOVE, but that I cannot make a sustainable full time job out of. Leaving my family including my young niece and nephews, leaving the friends that I’ve made. Its comfortable being here. My parents are here to help me out constantly. Its easy.

Leap and the net will appear.

I’ve tried to tell myself that no one ever gets anywhere by being complacent in life. You have to jump to see if you can fly. All that stuff. Its sort of working. Usually I’m excited about this new chapter in my life. When I’m not busy being petrified that I will actually have to BE A NURSE.

Because in all of this, the rush to study for the NCLEX, take the NCLEX, find a job, I seem to have forgotten that I will actually have to be a nurse. That I will be responsible for my own patients, that I have to have some idea what I’m doing so that I won’t kill them. That patients and families will ask me questions and that I’m supposed to know the answers to give them. Terrifying, astounding, shocking. How did 16 measly months of nursing school prepare me for this??

Luckily I will have at least 8-10 weeks of orientation on the unit where I won't take patients by myself. Perhaps longer if I need it. This is slightly reassuring.. but STILL.

How do I go from being someone who is still making stupid mistakes on IV med administration (albeit because I wasn’t taught) and requiring someone to sign off on my charting.. to actually being a responsible nurse!

Honestly, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for them to email me back, to tell me that it's taking too long, that they've changed their mind, hired someone else. Someone who's not a new grad. Someone that HAS A CLUE how to be a nurse.

But it hasn't happened yet.

This will be a good place for me. I’m so happy to be moving to the same city as my BFF after 3 years apart. I really like this city, on top of it. It’s going to be a great unit for me to start out on. It’s a great hospital to work for. All in all, I’ve heard the first year to two of nursing is incredibly challenging regardless of where you are, so I’ve got to start somewhere.

To get yourself a new life
You have to give the other one away
-       Sara Bareilles

GRADUATION!!

I'M DONE! I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE!!!!

I finished my last final this morning at 8 am!! Then I went out to breakfast with some friends from school.

I took my critical care final last friday and got a B. Critical Care was the one I was stressing about the most because it was a cumulative final and there was soooo much information on it! But I made a 56 page study guide and studied my butt off!

Then Ethics was monday, but that was easy-peasy.

I had my last leadership clinical last week and left at midnight from there. I didn't really even think about the fact that it would be the last time I was leaving the hospital from a clinical. But it is bittersweet. It will be weird not heading to the hospital every week for clinical.

I still don't think it's set in. That I'm actually done.

Pinning is tonight. WOOHOO!

I'll officially have my BSN!

A more updated post is coming on how my last semester went and what's going on now. As well as my NCLEX study plan.

Critical Care?!

I never expected to like critical care... I came into this program assuming that I would graduate and get a job in Labor and Delivery. Interesting thing is, turns out I didn't much like L&D in the hospital.
And then along came my final semester of nursing school with critical care nursing. Our clinicals are on a basic medical floor, but with slightly sicker patients than med surg. More like a progressive care unit.. kind of.

But this clinical involves observations in the ICU, Trauma/Neuro ICU, Cardiovascular ICU and ER. ICU was my first observation of the semester. I really liked it.

I like that you have to think on your feet. That you have to be clued in to your patients and watching for small changes in their conditions that may mean big problems. I like that you have use your brain. This is also what scares me about ICU. You are the one that is responsible for this perhaps VERY SICK patient. So you have to HAVE A BRAIN.

Lately I'm struggling with feeling like I can't do this job. I'm in my last semester, you'd think that I would have most of this figured out. You'd think that I'd feel more secure in my choice and in my role as a nurse. NOPE. In some ways.. maybe. Some things aren't as hard as they used to be. Things like bed baths (although I'm still not great at them..), vitals, head to toe assessments.

But I've only gotten one blood draw and I've attempted four now. I've started one IV out of two. Not horrible odds... BUT ONE IV START?? Really? I've done one in and out cath on a woman after childbirth. One patient with an ostomy. I've done IV push meds and given oral meds, crushed up meds, etc. No NG tubes, no drains (although I've seen some). No big clinical procedures!

But the vast amount of SHIT I DON'T KNOW scares me. My first day on the unit for this semester I royally screwed up a lot of the charting I did. On ONE patient. What about when I have 2-6??
What about when I graduate in.. oh, LESS THAN TWO MONTHS and try to go find a job somewhere.

How can I convince someone that I am worth hiring when I'm feeling hopelessly stupid?

This is not even to consider the beast that is the NCLEX and how I don't feel ready for that. That at least I have time to study for after I graduate. Once I get out of school, I feel like I'm supposed to actually know some shit. And lately I just don't feel like I do.

Is this normal? This impostor syndrome when you get close to the end of school? Will it get better?

This was supposed to be a post about how I learned I love critical care... and yet somehow it morphed into a word vomit of feelings on nursing school in general.

Regardless, I do love critical care now. I spent a day on the Trauma/Neuro ICU and LOVED IT. I could see myself working there. If only I could get over this feeling that I can't do any type of nursing.

But alas, jobs are hard to come by in this area so I may be taking any nursing job I can get for now.

Did you feel like this at the end of nursing school?? Did you feel better when you actually got a job and started settling in?