Adult Code 1

Controlled chaos. No not even that. There's really no chaos. Even with 18 people in and around the room as I counted at one point. Everyone has their set job to do. There's no yelling and things don't really move as fast as you would think. There's 3 minutes in between epi's. Three minutes is a lot longer than you would imagine. Chest compressions are a lot harder and faster than you'd think, rocking the bed from side to side.
The eeriest part is the wide, unseeing eyes, still open. That's what got me. I was fine until that point. There was no one left inside.
Again I told myself, you can lose it when you get home. But you have to keep it together here. Deal with it later. Even afterwards, when his wife came running down the hall, heaving "we're too late, we're too late I know it". Keep it together. Feel later.
It's amazing how disconnected you can be from human suffering when you tell yourself to. Frightening really.
And after. When they become a not person, an unperson. As if they never truly were.It's disconcerting to me how easy it was, how people joke and laugh. Because you have to. You have to laugh because you have to move on.